Occasionally I hear marketing advice that makes me cringe because it’s incomplete. You know what they say- a little bit of knowledge can be a very dangerous thing. One sentiment I hear quite frequently that I really want to expand upon is the sentiment that you will do the best and/or make the most money in sex work if you “just be yourself”. People probably mean the best when they offer this suggestion and have based it on their very REAL observation that their business has only gotten better the more they share their true selves with their audience. It can be exciting to see clients respond positively to authentic aspects of ourselves and embolden us to reveal more of our true selves only to delighted to receive more of the same. This can easily lead to the misunderstanding that clients want the “real me”. But those of us with extensive experience in the industry may have learned the easy way or the hard way by now that every client is absolutely paying for a fantasy in some way or another. Clients don’t want the “real me” because clients do not, in fact, want reality, even when they think or claim that they do. What clients want is authenticity. Let’s discuss.
We know that authenticity sells, and I don’t need to explain to you why. Most people don’t want to pay for any type of experience that feels hollow and inauthentic. An authentic, attractive personality can magnetise a following as effectively as any type of physical beauty if expressed in an eye-catching way. An attractive personality drives both new sales AND client loyalty. Many clients are cerebral, emotionally-driven people—and arguably these clients typically comprise the best and most loyal of the spectrum. This translates into both good vibes and more $$$- so there’s no question here that this is super ideal for most brands.
Demonstrating personality means expressing specific thoughts, opinions, feelings, interests & preferences. What’s highly attractive to one person may turn another off entirely (just as with physical characteristics), but that’s no reason to shy away from showing personality. The fear of repelling potential paying clients is probably the single most common block to those of us who could benefit from niche branding. This is a life lesson that some of us have already learned and some of us will learn through this process: being different is often incredibly sexy! Demonstrating personality means taking sides or staking your opinion/preference in a way that your target audience can identify with or find intriguing. Intellectual intrigue is an incredibly strong force that drives both sexual attraction in general AND bookings from many clients. As for those who would be turned off by what you choose to share—simply don’t sweat it. It’s actually good to turn off the type of people who you would like to stay away from you. Keep this factor in mind as you curate your persona to decide which parts of yourself to flaunt and which to conceal.
Controversy is hype. You might be surprised to learn that often people who are at the centre of a huge controversy or scandal are making bank off the exposure. You can see a miniature version of this phenomenon in effect by the puzzling boost in business that often follows a bad review for a well-regarded provider. Controversy as a form of hype can sometimes lead to incredibly rapid increases in notoriety and/or bookings. But are you playing with fire when you stake your business model on controversy? If you have a controversial preference or opinion, putting it out there can indeed make you money IF it’s something that your target audience will agree with, identify with, and/or be intrigued by. You ultimately need to ask yourself if the people who will be alienated by your controversy are people whose opinions matter to you and your bottom line. Do you need them? Assuming that your controversial “whatever” is not actually harmful to anyone, you will usually be able to tell (if you’re being honest with yourself) when it’s a situation where the opinion of people who aren’t putting money into your pocket simply should not stop you. I will eventually write an entire article about controversy as a marketing tactic because I have MUCH to say on the subject. This is generally an arena in which you should proceed with caution, because alienating people who you actually want to be doing business with can undermine every other aspect of your branding. Remember that clients pay for an authentic fantasy experience, not for reality. Does the way in which you’re being controversial add to the authentic fantasy you’re selling, or detract from it?
Expressing personality that turns off the very people who you claim to be seeking as clients or who you seek to network with in the industry will undermine every aspect of your branding, and possibly your overall business. For example: if you hate men and frequently express this publicly, your target audience better be men who hate themselves and want to put their SWer on a pedestal and worship them in some way or another. Or your target audience better be other people besides men. Otherwise you are going to be fully undermining yourself. If you can’t edit certain controversial aspects of your personality OUT of your brand, then you need to change your target audience to people who will appreciate them rather than see them as a deal-breaker to really enable your business to thrive.
How do you know if an interest, opinion, feeling, preference, etc would be more likely to attract or repel your ideal clients? Ask your intuition. There’s no universal right or wrong answer to that one!
content warning: manipulation, abuse
How selectively editing your professional persona protects you from abusive individuals:
Another reason it is critical to selectively withhold portions of your real life / personality from your public persona is to protect yourself from crossover between your personal life and your professional life. For many of us, this is incredibly important for obvious reasons.
When you get highly specific about your real-world niche hobbies and interest as part of your professional marketing, there is potential for clients to locate your real life identity within your niche industry / community involvements. While this could occasionally be potentially harmless, for most of us it would be awkward if not downright violating. If you don’t immediately see any problem with this idea, consider this: sex workers are often targeted by malicious individuals (incels, predators, etc) and by advertising yourself openly as one, you will potentially be on their radar as someone to harass (or worse). To protect your real life identity, be selective about how much of your real persona you actually share with the world.
There is also a psychological & spiritual dimension to this selective sharing as a form of self-protection. Many abusive individuals (sometimes also rich & incredibly charming) are talented at noticing opportunities to manipulate those who they are sexually involved with based on what they understand about the person’s vulnerabilities. When your true persona has been adjusted / tailored slightly to cater to your target client’s desires, these abusive individuals fall short of understanding who you truly are. It then becomes easier to see through and disregard their psychological manoeuvres, which will be more likely to miss their mark since they misunderstand you.
Consider your self-filter over what you share on client-facing (and even provider-only) platforms through your professional persona as a powerful way of protecting yourself, not just a helpful marketing tactic.
Check back next Monday for another weekly blog post for #MarketingMondays at NicheEscortMarketing.com! Oh and check out my NEW Twitter account @NicheEscortGuru! I will be accepting follows from established workers only, so please DM me your links (ad/site/clipstore/cam/etc) if they’re not in your bio or pinned tweet when you request to follow!